This is not the typical post today. Its not a topic that I like to dwell on and most days I handle it well. But lately, for some reason, it has been a powerful force of emptiness and grief. (cue the violins....)
Many of you are aware that my husband and I adopted our beautiful daughter. I can not put into words the love and appreciation we have for her birthmother. I am grateful that our daughter came to us through adoption... It really was such a miraculous experience. As she gets older the desire to expand our family grows. I long to be able to provide my Boo with a brother or sister, but I physically can't. It seems as if pregnancy and babies are all around me. In a 12 month time period I will be an aunt four times. Each of these babies are a miracle and my sisters and sister in laws are (or will be) the best moms. It seems like neighbors, friends, and extended family are being blessed with pregnancies. Most of the time I am OK with the cards we have been dealt. I have an illness that requires me to be on medication that could potentially harm a fetus, so being infertile is a good thing, right? (sense the sarcasm tinted with humor?) It is so easy to want to throw myself pity parties. I hate being asked by others when we are going to have another child or told we will only be the parents of one. I hate being the last one to know when a friend or family member is pregnant because they don't know what to say. And I especially hate seeing children born and later are abused and neglected.
Life is full of inequality, isn't it?
A Crafty Soiree #143
5 hours ago
I know how you feel. We were able to have 1 child, and then after 8 miscarriages and lots of Dr appts, we found out I'm going through menopause at 35. Sometimes it just makes you angry...
ReplyDeleteI recently found your blog. Looking forward to reading more and hope you'll stop by my blog too.
I wish I had something encouraging to say. I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know what it is like personally to deal with infertility, but I was a gestational surrogate twice, and delivered twins and a singleton little boy for two couples, both close family friends, so I do know what a long hard road that can be. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a while. Thanks for being so honest about the grief and loss you've experienced.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with wanting another child too. It's not due to infertility, but I think the grief and loss of what I thought my family would be is similar.
Oh Keri, I hear you. Infertility is such a difficult thing to understand. You are so strong and you do handle it well but everyone is allowed a pity party now and then! I know I have had my share. You are such a wonderful mother and I look up to you so much. I hope and pray you are blessed with the desires of your heart-you deserve it!
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